TORAH CONCEPTS

Life

 

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Life

Essays and workshops on better

living techniques based on Torah wisdom

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Pesach and Relationships

 
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In relationships, there is often a tension between subjective and objective. For example a child comes home saying her friend was mean. The parent can just say get over it – objective, or could overreact and phone to attack the friend’s parents - subjective. The ideal approach is to utilise emotional intelligence to support and educate the child.

We tend to see relationships as spontaneous. Whilst there should be that element, as we are human, there are tools for developing and sustaining relationships.

Pesach is the social Chag (creation of the nation, tell your children, chaburas haPesach etc.) Accordingly, in the Pesach Experience, the Chazal (Sages) have incorporated essential elements in building and maintaining of relationships as can be seen in the following list.

Pesach Social Lesson

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Pesach Practices


1. Rid oneself of arrogance.

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Biur chometz (destroying chometz)


2. Shared experience

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Seder


3. The relationship should move progressively

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Kadesh Urchatz…15 steps


4. Sanctify the relationship (Dedicated to higher goals and objectives - eg raising a family with values)

Kiddush


5. Wine in appropriate amounts enhances conversation

Arbaah Kosos - 4 cups of wine


6. Converse - talk and listen

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Maggid - story of the Haggadah


7. See oneself as incomplete without the other

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Yachatz - break the middle matzah


8. Recognise the other

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Halamchma anya - Kol Diztrich - This is the bread of poverty…whoever needs


9. Recognise the needs of the other and endeavour to accomodate them

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Whoever needs come and join us


10. Ask detailed questions that show real interest in the other

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Mah Nishtana


11. Deal with the other according to who they are, not according to who you want them to be

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Arbaah Banim - 4 sons


12. Recalling negotiated obstacles and challenges strengthens the relationship

Maggid - telling the story


13. “Thanks for everything” is thanks for nothing - true gratitude requires detail

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Dayenu


14. Communicate important issues and prioritise

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Rabban Gamliel says whoever does not say three things has not fulfilled their mitzvah


15. Humility

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Matzah (unrisen bread)


16. Truth is the basis of trust

Matzah (essence of bread)


17. Eating takes the most physical behaviour and raises it by sharing the pleasure, conversing etc. to spiritual

Sulchan Orech - set table


18. At first not all should be revealed - ultimately nothing need to be hidden

Tzafun - Afikoman


19. Recognising the good in ones life initiated by the other

Barech - the blessing after the meal


20. Realise that everything is from Hashem (less focus on the blame of the other)

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Pesach expirience


21. Ultimate relationship level - your will is my will - Epitomised by the story of Rabbi Arye Levin going to the doctor and saying “my wife’s foot is hurting us”

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Nirtzah



 
LifeDikla Palensya